God of my everything
sung by Bebo Norman ... visit his website.
Oh God of heaven come and helm me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again
Oh God of heaven
God of my hope
God of my need
God of my pain that one else will ever see
God of my healing
God of my strength
God Who is always and will forever reign
God of my everything
In all creation You call my name
In all the beauty that this world displays
Still I am the one for whom Your heart aches
In all creation
And when the mountains shake
You are my God, You never change
And when the earth gives way
You are still God, You never change
The message I heard last week from Gateway webcast is still nudging at my heart. The value and power of listening to His voice... to quiet myself and just listen to His voice. He has been trying to speak to me through my pain, my rejections, my own self condemnation, my failures, my weaknesses, my circumstances, my problems, my job, my self confidence, my self esteem, my loneliness...... yet many times these things cloud my mind and blind my eyes to the God Who is standing in front of me with His arms wide open... longing for me to run into His arms.....whispering to me “ Son it is ok... come to me and find rest. You don’t have to impress me like how the world judges you. Your value is not measured by what you do for Me but by what I have done and am doing in your life. So my child...let go and let Me in. Don’t compare yourself with others. Let go of the hurts .....the loneliness.... Am I not enough for you? You don’t have to get your act together to come to me....just come as you are. Don’t let the lie of self condemnation separate us. Come and find rest. Come and find life. Come and find peace. Come and find companionship for life. You will never be alone again for I am with you.” Yes this is what I have been doing in the morning drive to work.... communing with God.... letting Him speak....letting the Holy Spirit minister...letting go and letting Him in. As the tears flow..healing and cleansing began.....each tear that only He sees ... the pain that no one else will ever see ... God of my healing and my strength...my everything.
No matter what had happened in my life... somehow the need to worship Him still burns strong in my heart. I was a worship leader when I was studying in India and when I came back to Malaysia, I was serving in the worship ministry and as a cell group leader until I became too busy with my work and studies. It was this burning desire to worship and serve God and have fellowship with other believers which caused me to apply to a new department where I work normal office hours. This was the reason how I ended up taking up keyboard lessons in Summit USJ a couple of months and met this brother who had encouraged and ministered to me when I was really down. It is amazing how God arranges events and people in my life at the right time and place. I have been to Summit USJ for the past few years but never really saw the pin up sign for the keyboard lessons until now. So far this weekly keyboard lessons had been my source of fellowship as he had made it his life purpose to train and build up worship leaders from his keyboard lessons.
This morning while driving to work.... while the song “God of my everything” was playing on repeat.....the thought came to me. I am happy when good things happen in my life and when things goes as planned in my life. But when bad things happen .... how do I respond? Am I still happy? Am I unshakened by the fact that God is the God of my everything when everything seems to be going wrong and not the way I want? Can I still walk around with a smile on my life just based on the fact that God is never changing .... that He is still the Living and Almighty God in spite of everything going wrong in my life..when there is no evidence of His hand in my life..... when I don’t feel Him...when my strength is gone...? And I prayed that I will remain steadfast regardless of the circumstances that I am going ....no matter what that I will believe in my heart that He is for me and that He is my God and that He never changes...not based on how I feel or what my eyes tell me.
Many times I had wanted to stop blogging .....a few people who read my blog have asked me ... why am I so pessimistic? why do I sound so down all the time? When I first started blogging ... I told myself that I will be true to what I am and be transparent about I am going through .... and this blog serves as a reminder of God's goodness in my life. Christian life is not a bed of roses. I don't always have my act together. I keep falling but God picks me up and I keep going forward in His strength. Not here to gain popularity but I just wanna tell the world that my God loves imperfect people....the unloved, the rejected, the hopeless, the failures, the motley crew....we don't have to clean up our mess before coming to God. That is why I am so in love with Him.....the Lover of my soul....my main reason to live is to love Him, worship Him and to make Him known. Through the down times ... I hope that people can see that through it all... God shines through the darkest moments and when all hope is lost...when all strength is gone... He is there. He is the God who strongest in our weakness. If I can touch even one life for Jesus... then this blog is worth it all. Amen.